Welcome to my blog. This is a space where I share some of the ideas I ponder. I hope my thoughts give you something to ponder also.
It’s taken me a long time to decide to create a blog. Again. This is my third attempt. The first time was a little over seven and a half years ago. I remember the date because I submitted my first post on September 11. I remember feeling a bit creeped out about posting it. I was studying conflict resolution at the time, so the events six years prior were much on my mind. September 11 was a huge reminder of how we failed to resolve conflict in a peaceful way. It was my first and last post for that incarnation of my blog.
I made a second attempt several years later. But my life was a little too personal at the time. I was struggling to find words for all I was feeling and experiencing. Writing felt so difficult. I “accidently” deleted my blog while attempting to understand how WordPress worked internally. I put accidently in quotes because, to this day, I’m still not sure whether it really was an accident or my subconscious sabotaging my efforts to write publicly. I just know that my then internet provider didn’t have a backup copy of my WordPress database. Neither did I. I was unable to recover my blog. I’m better at backups now. Automated backup plugins help immensely.
One of my hesitations about resurrecting my blog now is that my thoughts and opinions are being published in a public space. As a poster at work reminds me every day, the internet has no delete button. Anything I say publicly is there forever. If I go off on a rant about a topic that particularly irritates me, all my thoughts and statements will be enshrined forever. No retractions. No do-overs. No opportunities for second thoughts or to change my mind about what I think. I’m not sure who to attribute our intolerance for others – society, the media, politicians, religion, or ourselves. But we have developed a perverse need point out everyone’s mistakes. Public shaming, public humiliation. No chance to be accountable. No chance for forgiveness. Yes, we need to know that sometimes what we say or do is not acceptable. I firmly believe in boundaries. But we all need a chance to change, to understand our mistakes, and for redemption. Isn’t that the humane way?
The internet also has no filter for who can read a web page. I am an introvert by nature. You might not know that about me if you met me in person. Yes, sometimes it mean shy. But mostly it means I spend an inordinate amount of time thinking about my ideas before I release them into the wild. I agonize over my words, adding and subtracting them, hoping to make my ideas clearer and more succinct. I’m still working on both.
So why now? Why again? Because my small still voice is nudging me to start writing again, and do so publicly. It seems to think I have something to say that might interest others. And, it wants me to start now. Actually, it wanted me to start seven years ago. But I wasn’t ready then. Maybe I am now. Hold my beginnings gently. Like all new beginnings, I and my writing need tenderness and nurturing. Quoting a friend of mine, “I never realized how brave one must be to put creativity into the world.” Glee, I’m trying to be brave also. Wish me luck, as I do you. Let us be brave together. The world deserves more beauty and creativity.